Hey, Elizabeth! I am very impressed by the creativity of your topic. First off, the images you chose are visually interesting and definitely help give a good vibe for what the story is about to include. Also, the font is simple and not distracting which is very helpful and appreciated as a reader. As for the introduction itself, it was very well-written and interesting. I like how different women’s stories will be told with the intention of providing encouragement to other women who will also have to undergo trials. I really value how the tone of the introduction is set and seems very omniscient and somewhat remorseful because she could not help but now is trying to give back in some way. I look forward to seeing how this story progresses and what it includes. The introduction was engaging because of the interesting perspective and point of view, and I encourage you to maintain that tone as means to engage readers and share with them the mindset behind a goddess. The line that I thought was the most interesting was the line that said that the women who suffered the most were the “memorable to me.” It seems somewhat cold but provides an interesting read.
Elizabeth, I absolutely love the image you have chosen for your cover page. Not only is it extremely intricate, it also tells many tales without having too much going on. Great choice! Without having read your introduction, I do not know and cannot correlate why you have chosen this image, but I think it is really great and I am sure you have chosen it with good purpose! Ah- now I see, you are writing as if you are the Goddess captured on the first page! Great job! I really liked how you introduced who Durga is and what she stands for and how she functions. I think that focusing on Sita and Ahalya is a great choice! Sita has been betrayed in so many ways and to zero in on how Rama turned his back on her is a great story to be told! i cannot wait to see how you do this! I was a little confused on what your story is going to be! Is Durga going to help these girls talk their ways through their struggles? Or is she going to introduce them to other people who they will be able to interact with and talk about their problems? If you could make what Durga’s purpose is more obvious I think that would really help your readers understanding of what is going on while also clarifying the general story! Other than that it was really great and I loved your images!
Hi Elizabeth! I really love the background you chose for your storybook! It definitely works for your topic because it is very feminine and your storybook is all about the women of the Ramayana! I also love the image you chose of Durga! I think you introduced her character very well! She is definitely a good choice for the narrator of your introduction since she cares deeply for the women of your storybook! Your writing also appears to be in good shape! I enjoyed reading your introduction. It definitely made me curious as to what the stories included would be. Sita and Ahalya are perfect characters for this storybook. Sita, especially was a very strong woman! While, I don't know much about Ahalya, I think her fate was truly undeserved. I always thought it was very unfair how Sita was banished from Rama, and Ahalya was manipulated by Indra! I'm interested to see your perspective on their stories. I was slightly confused on who the other women that suffered and shared the experiences of Sita and Ahalya were. I think it might be good to clarify on that and introduce those characters as well! Overall, I think this is a great start and look forward to reading your storybook as it progresses!
Hi, Elizabeth! I really like the topic you’ve chosen for your storybook, and how you’re giving the stories. I think having Durga tell the stories is a great idea! I also love the pictures you’ve chosen of her (gorgeous). I think your title could be a little imaginative though. You’ve got an intriguing storybook and then a title that kind of takes the intrigue away. I think you could come up with a really catchy title that would draw readers more so than what you’ve got. You could do a Dear Abby, sort of format just as Dear Durga and it would be so much more interesting for someone just looking through the storybook titles. Other than that, I think your introduction was really great and I’m definitely very interested to find out more about these women that Durga has mentioned. As for the theme of the storybook, I really think it works (especially because of the coloring in the coverpage photo). Do I wish it was more original and exciting? Of course, but I know that that requires a lot of effort and I think what you’ve got right now works really well. I can’t wait to read more!
Thank you for commenting on my posts and StoryBook! Your comments helped me improve my story. Your positive reassurance and comments assured me that I was doing a good job and that I could keep going with my Project. Thanks a bunch :)
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my blog, specifically on my most recent storybook (Shimmering Waters). You are very encouraging. Thank you!
Elizabeth! I love the color included in your cover page, it is very eye catching. The introduction is compelling as well. I had never heard of the mother goddess Durga and I think that choosing her to tell the stories of the different women in the Ramayana who had been treated wrongly was a creative approach. Also, having a woman/mother’s view of their stories works towards credibility of the storyteller. The comparative between Sita and Ahalya was pretty interesting, I can’t believe I didn’t see that connection myself! The image included in your introduction is perfect since it is of the goddess, however, I think it is kind of repetitive of your cover page so maybe including a different image in one of these places would add some depth to your storybook (just a suggestion! They both work fine where they are though). The first storytelling post you include is really detailed which I love. I like the emotional aspect of Sita’s dialogue you are able to include, this is obviously a hard thing to recall for her since she was so in love with Rama. I also liked how you were able to stick to the main points of the story between her and Rama’s life together, because every point you have her tell is important to the book and the outcome of Sita’s story of mistreatment. I also thought your opinion that the inclusion of Sita as a plot device was really intuitive and brilliant because it fits so well. She exists in the story alongside Rama and highlights his travels, so I think creating a story focused on her side of things is excellent. Good work on this storybook so far, and I can’t wait to read the next story told from Ahalya!
This is my first time reading your storybook, so I will be focusing on the intro and story. My first impression was that I thought it was cool that you were telling the story from a godess' point of view, which is a great change of pace from telling it from the perspective of Brahma, for instance. I like the choice also because it allows your narrator to take on a maternal look at the sufferers she loves, instead of the usual "Punishing father god" figure.
I liked the first person narrator in your introduction, so I was a little disappointed whenever it went to 3rd person for the first story. It still worked out fine, but I liked how strong you made Durga sound. I think it would help break up your wall of teext if you either made smaller paragraphs, double spaced, or put more pictures in your post. I do appreciate your commitment to length, though. Also, it might make the story appear not as huge if you delineated between the author's note and the rest of the story. I think your first story does a good job of re-telling everything from Sita's perspective, but at the same time giving us a little bit more insight into her thoughts. I would like to know what the next portion of the storybook will be about, so maybe you can include something that segues to your next part of the book, too.
Elizabeth, what a great topic to do your storybook over. I think this is such a unique concept to highlight and talk about. I personally don't know much about Goddess Durga, but as I was reading, I found the whole concept and idea and introduction super interesting and fun to read. I must say you caught my attention with the title especially and also the solid pictures you chose. I feel like the pictures add a great amount of essence to your overall storybook and idea. I think your idea of focusing on both Sita and Ahalya is great and different at the same time. I enjoyed reading your story about the first meeting and the title is solid. I think having such eye-catching titles is definitely a plus for your readers. I love how you chose to write this story because it is super interesting yet new and I loved that while I was reading. Great job so far, I think you have the right concept in mind and you seem to have it all figured out. I would add some more pictures in the future stories and maybe add some bold colors for the layout or something to emphasize on the overall solid idea of Goddess Durga. Great job again!
Elizabeth, the title of your storybook caught me! I am in the Mythology class but decided to look over the Indian epics storybooks and I chose yours! I like the scheme you have decided on for your storybook and the pictures you chose match the colors really good. Your introduction really touched my heart because Durga definitely feels like a Mother Goddess through the way you have described her feelings. She is an excellent choice to be able to tell the stories of the women she looks over, since she is able to witness their stories as a whole. Choosing Sita and Ahalya already gives us the idea of strong women working through their problems. I am pleased that Durga helps them in the afterlife and I cannot wait to see how the women tell their stories to us. It was interesting to me that you used Durga to be the narrator at first for the first meeting. It really kept the introduction and the stories connected. Sita telling her story was very descriptive and I appreciated it. I even felt bad for her, but she is in fact a strong woman.
The only things I can mention is maybe breaking the dialogue apart to give the readers a moment to reflect on Sita's words. That would benefit us by being able to really pause in the story to think.
Your webpage is absolutely beautiful. It is the best one I have seen so far. The back ground really accents the body of your page. The title is clear, clean, and stands out. Your links are perfectly colored. The pictures you chose seem to be extremely high quality, almost HD quality, and the colors are extremely vibrant. Reading your author’s notes I think you did a good job of replacing the plot device of Sita and actually did a good job of telling her story if that makes sense. Your final paragraph is your strongest by far. The first three, though short seemed a little bit slow although I understand that most of the space was used as a set up. I would say that there is room to expand on the first paragraph and third paragraph. I would remove the second paragraph and find a way to incorporate those details into the first paragraph. I think this would grab the reader from the very beginning and then your final paragraph would become even stronger. This of course is just a matter of preference on my part. One critique I do have is for you to possibly play around with the font. You have done such a great job of designing the rest of your website that the font of your intro and story seem to be out of place to the eye. So a possible change of font, a change of size, or a color change might be good, though this is really just a small critique.
Ooh, I like your coverpage! Very cool background and picture. Your title seems interesting too, and I can see basically any story from the Ramayana or Mahabharata fitting that theme. Durga is a perfect narrator for this. We don't really learn about Durga much in the Ramayana, so it's cool that you chose a new character for us to learn about. I like that you focus on the women, too, and show how much they struggle, and how strong they are. So far, I have high hopes for these stories! Your narration is very sympathetic to these women. It also shows the difficulty that comes with these situations - for great things to happen, sometimes some people end up getting a raw deal. It's nice that Durga honors them by telling their stories.
In your first story, you switch from first to third person with Durga, but I think it works. It's a good way to let Sita's voice be heard. The first person (Sita) narrative works very well, since you are showing what happened from the women's perspectives. It makes a very emotional and intimate story, and makes you feel for the women.
As far as format, the text is kind of small for me and a little hard to read. I also think a picture/pictures would be nice.
Overall, your writing here is very good. Sita's voice comes through well, and you convey a lot of information about her story as well as her emotional side. Very good.
Introduction: Just after reading the first two sentences I realized how perfect your background is for your entire storybook. She is the “mother of the Universe” and you made your storybook with lights/stars. Perfect. Something to consider: the first part of the introduction sets up your story from Durga’s perspective, but then later the perspective of the stories is actually Sita and Ahalya. It threw me off a bit. I do really like the idea that Durga is providing a sort of counseling for those women who have felt deep pain during their lives. I like that idea a lot.
The First Meeting: Without beginning to read yet, the really large paragraphs with little space between lines is really intimidating. Possibly consider braking up the paragraphs and either changing the font or the spacing between individual lines. The concept of the heavens having weather is interesting (second paragraph). The word “glimpsed” doesn't really fit in your second sentence in your third paragraph. I find it interesting how Sita is still greatly affected by her abduction by Ravana even after she is dead. I think this event greatly affected her, and possibly she would carry that hurt into the afterlife. Another thing that I find VERY interesting is her statement at the end of paragraph three, “I was such a fool.” This shows that she was remorseful from ever going into exile with Rama. I question what this says about her love for Rama. She also did have some really good times in exile, does her time held captive by Ravana cover over those good times? With her abduction did her marriage start to “crumble”? Was their love for each other so greatly affected? Also in Narayan’s version of Ramayana Sita did not know that Rama was going to perform the challenge to win her hand in marriage. She had to be sent for. Your right about the scene with Rama being cold to Sita after her captivity. That is why I like Buck’s version of that scene a lot better. I really like the idea of doing your story book over the heartbreak of the women in the stories we have read. Good Job.
Hi Elizabeth! First off, I like the pictures you’ve chosen throughout the storybook. I also like the celestial background. It emphasizes Durga’s power. In the introduction, the sentence “As I have been able to see… forced to experience tragedy” is a little long and awkward. You might want to break that into two separate sentences. Also, Durga says she’ll let the women tell us and “the others” their stories. Who are these “others”? If Durga isn’t allowed to intervene, how can she bring these women together? Who are the other women joining Sita and Ahalya? All of these are questions you should consider answering in the introduction. In the first story, you might want to describe the setting where they are meeting. I assume the picture is supposed to be the meeting place, but I didn’t notice anywhere it was clearly stated where they were. When you focus on how Rama and Sita’s relationship develops over time, that emphasizes the heartbreak Sita feels when Rama rejects her. It really helps you understand the relationship. I like the style you’re using to tell the story. I really like the idea you’re working with here! I’m excited to see how the stories progress!
Hi Elizabeth! Great storybook so far! I really like the picture you use at the beginning of the storybook. I think it makes it really vibrant and colorful. I really like your introduction as well. I think your cover picture really fits the introduction of your story well! I like how you set up your storybook from Durga’s perspective. I think that is a really creative approach to take. I like how you set it up as a “help line” for women who have been hurt. I think Durga will really make this story develop well. I think the font is really difficult to read. I think if you cleaned the font up and the spacing between paragraphs, it will look really good! I like how you talk about Sita going into exile with Rama. That has to be a hard decision for a woman to just leave her him for a long time because someone they loved moved away. But I guess it is not too bad, seeing that military families travel all over the world to follow their military spouse. I agree with Catherine, that the line “I was such a fool” is very powerful. To me, it shows that Sita might not be as dedicated to Rama as we initially thought… Great job!
Hey Elizabeth, I wanted to revisit your storybook and see what all-new stories you came up with and I must say you did not disappoint your readers. I enjoyed reading the new stories you came up with because they were interesting and elaborate. I think your concepts were clear and easy to comprehend. I like the layout of your story because it is easy to read and everything is picture clear. I like the pictures you chose for each story since they are unique and go with the concept you are trying to describe. I love how detailed and elaborate your stories were because they did not sound boring at all and they were interesting. I enjoyed reading both the meetings and I liked the titles you chose. I would recommend maybe using some more pictures and also make sure your navigation is working correctly since your new story is before the old one so I would definitely adjust that so it is not confusing for a new reader visiting your book for the first time. So far I think you have all your stories and concepts solid. I can't wait to read more and see how you end your storybook. Great job.
Hi Elizabeth! I would like to start off by saying that your web page is really awesome and it caught my eye. As far as I know Goddess Durga is the most powerful goddess and also the strength of Shiva. So the cosmic background really fits with your web page. I really liked your idea for your story book project. I think it is a great idea to let these women who were treated unfairly to finally speak up and let their side of the story out. At the end of the second meeting you mentioned that it was a group therapy which I kind of confused me because I thought it was just meetings so they can let themselves be known and their stories are out there. Other than that I could not really find anything that got me confused or seemed to be a glitch while I was reading. The grammar was on point so it was a really easy read too. I also really liked your alternate ending for Ahlaya’s story. I also liked how you actually gave Ahalya’s story some of her emotions because in the original story it seemed like Ahalya did not really have feelings and was forced into loving Gautama. Overall I thought it was a great idea to write about and hope to be reading more in the future.
Hi Elizabeth! First off, I love the background to your storybook. I’m a big fan of astronomy, and the stars provide an excellent foundation for your stories. It makes the theme kind of mystical, even far-reaching. I think of that will fit well with your story. I say that because the first line in your introduction introduces Mother Goddess, the mother of the Universe. This is important, I think, because the stars in the background kind of make it seem like your page is the “home” this Mother Goddess. You have done a great job correlating the theme so far. Another element of your story that I really appreciate is the focus on women. Although I’m a male, I’m a feminist (at least by its original definition – a purpose of equality). So I think it is interesting that you have chosen to focus primarily on the women. I also think that the perspective of this all-seeing and all-knowing being is a great foundation for your story. I love how you said that she has been forced to watch her children suffer, and that she cannot forget her stories, yet she is unable to tangibly intervene. I think that is really important – just like parenting. I think that because your mother goddess didn’t intervene, the women were more able to learn on their own and become stronger.
I really like your introduction and how you carefully explain Durga’s role and why she is so affected by all that has occurred. I think it is really nice of Durga to approach both of them as if she were a psychiatrist and aid in their rehabilitation after what their lives have brought them. I really like where this is going, the only thing I would suggest after scanning your first story is to add a bit of dialogue and maybe separate your paragraphs up so that there are not large paragraphs. Things like that tend to intimidate readers and cause for a lesser understanding of what is going on because all you want to do is finish reading this hauntingly long paragraph. I think your author’s note is very helpful in explaining where Sita is currently in her mental stability and general mindset. Your author’s note really helped me more in understanding the story of the Ramayana, rather than the story you are trying to tell here. This could be changed a bit to focus more on how Sita is feeling now and how you know this, rather than why she was put through all of these situations. Great job overall.
Hello Elizabeth! I think this is my first time visiting your storybook even though your background looks very familiar. Maybe it is someone else as well. With that noted, I really like it! I also love how colorful the image you chose is. Your introduction really caught my attention! It is a very nice start to your storybook. You really laid out the outline of your project. I like how you made the first story retelling for Sita's point of view instead of Rama's. That was a really nice touch. I like your version better than Narayan's. The image you chose for this story is magnificent! It is so beautiful and I like how you made it that big. I like how your second story also has a great big image. I like how once again, the story was told from the women's prospective. Very nice job with you project overall! I hope you have a great rest of your week!
Elizabeth, I visited your page a few weeks ago and I really like your storybook! It is one of my favorites in the class, and I appreciate a lot of things about it. Firstly, I appreciate the theme – the idea of the juxtaposition of strength and struggle is imperative to understand man’s purpose on earth. I think that a lot of the reason as to “why” we are here has to do with the wrestling between strength and struggle. On top of that, the background to your storybook is so very mystical. I really appreciate the stars and galaxies, especially when you meet the mother of the universe at the beginning. What inspired you to pursue this particular concept of “strength and struggle”? I’d really like to know. I especially like your particular focus in the third story. I think depicting Sita’s strength was beneficial to your overall storybook, and I think that you really exemplified that when you showed how she was still virtuous when she did not betray Rama. Instead, she crushed society’s standards and chose to leave him. What a great twist in the story – one that most empowered thinkers can really appreciate. Overall, you did a wonderful job!
Hey Elizabeth, this is my first time visiting your page and I have to say I absolutely love it. The background really sets the mood for the mother of the universe to be talking to two of her daughters. I also really like the font you used in that it’s not too ornate to read, though the line spacing is a little close and makes it a tad bit hard to follow. Great job on the pictures as well, the ones you chose to put along with the story really helps put a face and place to the characters. The theme you chose for the storybook is pretty cool too and flows really well. The whole dialog between Durga, Sita and Ahalya allows for a deeper feeling of emotion and kind of puts the reader into the heads of the wronged women. I also thought it was interesting that you chose to have the mother of the universe act as a therapist, that was pretty cool. I would definitely agree that these to women could use a therapist after what they’ve gone through. Well I really enjoyed reading your storybook and look forward reading more in the future. Keep up the great work.
Hi Elizabeth! I just wanted to say thank you for the several comments you left on my blog. You were one of the few purple who visited my storybook more than once. Although I never completed my storybook, you made me feel add though what I did have was sold, and I appreciate that.
Hey, Elizabeth! I am very impressed by the creativity of your topic. First off, the images you chose are visually interesting and definitely help give a good vibe for what the story is about to include. Also, the font is simple and not distracting which is very helpful and appreciated as a reader. As for the introduction itself, it was very well-written and interesting. I like how different women’s stories will be told with the intention of providing encouragement to other women who will also have to undergo trials. I really value how the tone of the introduction is set and seems very omniscient and somewhat remorseful because she could not help but now is trying to give back in some way. I look forward to seeing how this story progresses and what it includes. The introduction was engaging because of the interesting perspective and point of view, and I encourage you to maintain that tone as means to engage readers and share with them the mindset behind a goddess. The line that I thought was the most interesting was the line that said that the women who suffered the most were the “memorable to me.” It seems somewhat cold but provides an interesting read.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, I absolutely love the image you have chosen for your cover page. Not only is it extremely intricate, it also tells many tales without having too much going on. Great choice! Without having read your introduction, I do not know and cannot correlate why you have chosen this image, but I think it is really great and I am sure you have chosen it with good purpose!
ReplyDeleteAh- now I see, you are writing as if you are the Goddess captured on the first page! Great job! I really liked how you introduced who Durga is and what she stands for and how she functions. I think that focusing on Sita and Ahalya is a great choice! Sita has been betrayed in so many ways and to zero in on how Rama turned his back on her is a great story to be told! i cannot wait to see how you do this!
I was a little confused on what your story is going to be! Is Durga going to help these girls talk their ways through their struggles? Or is she going to introduce them to other people who they will be able to interact with and talk about their problems?
If you could make what Durga’s purpose is more obvious I think that would really help your readers understanding of what is going on while also clarifying the general story! Other than that it was really great and I loved your images!
Hi Elizabeth! I really love the background you chose for your storybook! It definitely works for your topic because it is very feminine and your storybook is all about the women of the Ramayana! I also love the image you chose of Durga! I think you introduced her character very well! She is definitely a good choice for the narrator of your introduction since she cares deeply for the women of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteYour writing also appears to be in good shape! I enjoyed reading your introduction. It definitely made me curious as to what the stories included would be. Sita and Ahalya are perfect characters for this storybook. Sita, especially was a very strong woman! While, I don't know much about Ahalya, I think her fate was truly undeserved. I always thought it was very unfair how Sita was banished from Rama, and Ahalya was manipulated by Indra! I'm interested to see your perspective on their stories.
I was slightly confused on who the other women that suffered and shared the experiences of Sita and Ahalya were. I think it might be good to clarify on that and introduce those characters as well!
Overall, I think this is a great start and look forward to reading your storybook as it progresses!
Hi, Elizabeth! I really like the topic you’ve chosen for your storybook, and how you’re giving the stories. I think having Durga tell the stories is a great idea! I also love the pictures you’ve chosen of her (gorgeous). I think your title could be a little imaginative though. You’ve got an intriguing storybook and then a title that kind of takes the intrigue away. I think you could come up with a really catchy title that would draw readers more so than what you’ve got. You could do a Dear Abby, sort of format just as Dear Durga and it would be so much more interesting for someone just looking through the storybook titles. Other than that, I think your introduction was really great and I’m definitely very interested to find out more about these women that Durga has mentioned. As for the theme of the storybook, I really think it works (especially because of the coloring in the coverpage photo). Do I wish it was more original and exciting? Of course, but I know that that requires a lot of effort and I think what you’ve got right now works really well. I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on my posts and StoryBook! Your comments helped me improve my story. Your positive reassurance and comments assured me that I was doing a good job and that I could keep going with my Project. Thanks a bunch :)
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments thus far. They have helped me to improve my storytelling posts to the benefit of my reader.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my blog, specifically on my most recent storybook (Shimmering Waters). You are very encouraging. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth! I love the color included in your cover page, it is very eye catching. The introduction is compelling as well. I had never heard of the mother goddess Durga and I think that choosing her to tell the stories of the different women in the Ramayana who had been treated wrongly was a creative approach. Also, having a woman/mother’s view of their stories works towards credibility of the storyteller. The comparative between Sita and Ahalya was pretty interesting, I can’t believe I didn’t see that connection myself! The image included in your introduction is perfect since it is of the goddess, however, I think it is kind of repetitive of your cover page so maybe including a different image in one of these places would add some depth to your storybook (just a suggestion! They both work fine where they are though).
ReplyDeleteThe first storytelling post you include is really detailed which I love. I like the emotional aspect of Sita’s dialogue you are able to include, this is obviously a hard thing to recall for her since she was so in love with Rama. I also liked how you were able to stick to the main points of the story between her and Rama’s life together, because every point you have her tell is important to the book and the outcome of Sita’s story of mistreatment. I also thought your opinion that the inclusion of Sita as a plot device was really intuitive and brilliant because it fits so well. She exists in the story alongside Rama and highlights his travels, so I think creating a story focused on her side of things is excellent. Good work on this storybook so far, and I can’t wait to read the next story told from Ahalya!
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time reading your storybook, so I will be focusing on the intro and story. My first impression was that I thought it was cool that you were telling the story from a godess' point of view, which is a great change of pace from telling it from the perspective of Brahma, for instance. I like the choice also because it allows your narrator to take on a maternal look at the sufferers she loves, instead of the usual "Punishing father god" figure.
I liked the first person narrator in your introduction, so I was a little disappointed whenever it went to 3rd person for the first story. It still worked out fine, but I liked how strong you made Durga sound. I think it would help break up your wall of teext if you either made smaller paragraphs, double spaced, or put more pictures in your post. I do appreciate your commitment to length, though. Also, it might make the story appear not as huge if you delineated between the author's note and the rest of the story. I think your first story does a good job of re-telling everything from Sita's perspective, but at the same time giving us a little bit more insight into her thoughts. I would like to know what the next portion of the storybook will be about, so maybe you can include something that segues to your next part of the book, too.
Elizabeth, what a great topic to do your storybook over. I think this is such a unique concept to highlight and talk about. I personally don't know much about Goddess Durga, but as I was reading, I found the whole concept and idea and introduction super interesting and fun to read. I must say you caught my attention with the title especially and also the solid pictures you chose. I feel like the pictures add a great amount of essence to your overall storybook and idea. I think your idea of focusing on both Sita and Ahalya is great and different at the same time. I enjoyed reading your story about the first meeting and the title is solid. I think having such eye-catching titles is definitely a plus for your readers. I love how you chose to write this story because it is super interesting yet new and I loved that while I was reading. Great job so far, I think you have the right concept in mind and you seem to have it all figured out. I would add some more pictures in the future stories and maybe add some bold colors for the layout or something to emphasize on the overall solid idea of Goddess Durga. Great job again!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, the title of your storybook caught me! I am in the Mythology class but decided to look over the Indian epics storybooks and I chose yours! I like the scheme you have decided on for your storybook and the pictures you chose match the colors really good. Your introduction really touched my heart because Durga definitely feels like a Mother Goddess through the way you have described her feelings. She is an excellent choice to be able to tell the stories of the women she looks over, since she is able to witness their stories as a whole. Choosing Sita and Ahalya already gives us the idea of strong women working through their problems. I am pleased that Durga helps them in the afterlife and I cannot wait to see how the women tell their stories to us. It was interesting to me that you used Durga to be the narrator at first for the first meeting. It really kept the introduction and the stories connected. Sita telling her story was very descriptive and I appreciated it. I even felt bad for her, but she is in fact a strong woman.
ReplyDeleteThe only things I can mention is maybe breaking the dialogue apart to give the readers a moment to reflect on Sita's words. That would benefit us by being able to really pause in the story to think.
Your webpage is absolutely beautiful. It is the best one I have seen so far. The back ground really accents the body of your page. The title is clear, clean, and stands out. Your links are perfectly colored. The pictures you chose seem to be extremely high quality, almost HD quality, and the colors are extremely vibrant. Reading your author’s notes I think you did a good job of replacing the plot device of Sita and actually did a good job of telling her story if that makes sense. Your final paragraph is your strongest by far. The first three, though short seemed a little bit slow although I understand that most of the space was used as a set up. I would say that there is room to expand on the first paragraph and third paragraph. I would remove the second paragraph and find a way to incorporate those details into the first paragraph. I think this would grab the reader from the very beginning and then your final paragraph would become even stronger. This of course is just a matter of preference on my part. One critique I do have is for you to possibly play around with the font. You have done such a great job of designing the rest of your website that the font of your intro and story seem to be out of place to the eye. So a possible change of font, a change of size, or a color change might be good, though this is really just a small critique.
ReplyDeleteOoh, I like your coverpage! Very cool background and picture. Your title seems interesting too, and I can see basically any story from the Ramayana or Mahabharata fitting that theme. Durga is a perfect narrator for this. We don't really learn about Durga much in the Ramayana, so it's cool that you chose a new character for us to learn about. I like that you focus on the women, too, and show how much they struggle, and how strong they are. So far, I have high hopes for these stories! Your narration is very sympathetic to these women. It also shows the difficulty that comes with these situations - for great things to happen, sometimes some people end up getting a raw deal. It's nice that Durga honors them by telling their stories.
ReplyDeleteIn your first story, you switch from first to third person with Durga, but I think it works. It's a good way to let Sita's voice be heard. The first person (Sita) narrative works very well, since you are showing what happened from the women's perspectives. It makes a very emotional and intimate story, and makes you feel for the women.
As far as format, the text is kind of small for me and a little hard to read. I also think a picture/pictures would be nice.
Overall, your writing here is very good. Sita's voice comes through well, and you convey a lot of information about her story as well as her emotional side. Very good.
Hey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteCover: Your cover picture is so beautiful!!!
Introduction: Just after reading the first two sentences I realized how perfect your background is for your entire storybook. She is the “mother of the Universe” and you made your storybook with lights/stars. Perfect. Something to consider: the first part of the introduction sets up your story from Durga’s perspective, but then later the perspective of the stories is actually Sita and Ahalya. It threw me off a bit. I do really like the idea that Durga is providing a sort of counseling for those women who have felt deep pain during their lives. I like that idea a lot.
The First Meeting: Without beginning to read yet, the really large paragraphs with little space between lines is really intimidating. Possibly consider braking up the paragraphs and either changing the font or the spacing between individual lines. The concept of the heavens having weather is interesting (second paragraph). The word “glimpsed” doesn't really fit in your second sentence in your third paragraph. I find it interesting how Sita is still greatly affected by her abduction by Ravana even after she is dead. I think this event greatly affected her, and possibly she would carry that hurt into the afterlife. Another thing that I find VERY interesting is her statement at the end of paragraph three, “I was such a fool.” This shows that she was remorseful from ever going into exile with Rama. I question what this says about her love for Rama. She also did have some really good times in exile, does her time held captive by Ravana cover over those good times? With her abduction did her marriage start to “crumble”? Was their love for each other so greatly affected? Also in Narayan’s version of Ramayana Sita did not know that Rama was going to perform the challenge to win her hand in marriage. She had to be sent for. Your right about the scene with Rama being cold to Sita after her captivity. That is why I like Buck’s version of that scene a lot better. I really like the idea of doing your story book over the heartbreak of the women in the stories we have read. Good Job.
Hi Elizabeth! First off, I like the pictures you’ve chosen throughout the storybook. I also like the celestial background. It emphasizes Durga’s power. In the introduction, the sentence “As I have been able to see… forced to experience tragedy” is a little long and awkward. You might want to break that into two separate sentences. Also, Durga says she’ll let the women tell us and “the others” their stories. Who are these “others”? If Durga isn’t allowed to intervene, how can she bring these women together? Who are the other women joining Sita and Ahalya? All of these are questions you should consider answering in the introduction. In the first story, you might want to describe the setting where they are meeting. I assume the picture is supposed to be the meeting place, but I didn’t notice anywhere it was clearly stated where they were. When you focus on how Rama and Sita’s relationship develops over time, that emphasizes the heartbreak Sita feels when Rama rejects her. It really helps you understand the relationship. I like the style you’re using to tell the story. I really like the idea you’re working with here! I’m excited to see how the stories progress!
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth! Great storybook so far! I really like the picture you use at the beginning of the storybook. I think it makes it really vibrant and colorful. I really like your introduction as well. I think your cover picture really fits the introduction of your story well! I like how you set up your storybook from Durga’s perspective. I think that is a really creative approach to take. I like how you set it up as a “help line” for women who have been hurt. I think Durga will really make this story develop well. I think the font is really difficult to read. I think if you cleaned the font up and the spacing between paragraphs, it will look really good! I like how you talk about Sita going into exile with Rama. That has to be a hard decision for a woman to just leave her him for a long time because someone they loved moved away. But I guess it is not too bad, seeing that military families travel all over the world to follow their military spouse. I agree with Catherine, that the line “I was such a fool” is very powerful. To me, it shows that Sita might not be as dedicated to Rama as we initially thought… Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Elizabeth, I wanted to revisit your storybook and see what all-new stories you came up with and I must say you did not disappoint your readers. I enjoyed reading the new stories you came up with because they were interesting and elaborate. I think your concepts were clear and easy to comprehend. I like the layout of your story because it is easy to read and everything is picture clear. I like the pictures you chose for each story since they are unique and go with the concept you are trying to describe. I love how detailed and elaborate your stories were because they did not sound boring at all and they were interesting. I enjoyed reading both the meetings and I liked the titles you chose. I would recommend maybe using some more pictures and also make sure your navigation is working correctly since your new story is before the old one so I would definitely adjust that so it is not confusing for a new reader visiting your book for the first time. So far I think you have all your stories and concepts solid. I can't wait to read more and see how you end your storybook. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth! I would like to start off by saying that your web page is really awesome and it caught my eye. As far as I know Goddess Durga is the most powerful goddess and also the strength of Shiva. So the cosmic background really fits with your web page. I really liked your idea for your story book project. I think it is a great idea to let these women who were treated unfairly to finally speak up and let their side of the story out. At the end of the second meeting you mentioned that it was a group therapy which I kind of confused me because I thought it was just meetings so they can let themselves be known and their stories are out there. Other than that I could not really find anything that got me confused or seemed to be a glitch while I was reading. The grammar was on point so it was a really easy read too. I also really liked your alternate ending for Ahlaya’s story. I also liked how you actually gave Ahalya’s story some of her emotions because in the original story it seemed like Ahalya did not really have feelings and was forced into loving Gautama. Overall I thought it was a great idea to write about and hope to be reading more in the future.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth! First off, I love the background to your storybook. I’m a big fan of astronomy, and the stars provide an excellent foundation for your stories. It makes the theme kind of mystical, even far-reaching. I think of that will fit well with your story. I say that because the first line in your introduction introduces Mother Goddess, the mother of the Universe. This is important, I think, because the stars in the background kind of make it seem like your page is the “home” this Mother Goddess. You have done a great job correlating the theme so far.
ReplyDeleteAnother element of your story that I really appreciate is the focus on women. Although I’m a male, I’m a feminist (at least by its original definition – a purpose of equality). So I think it is interesting that you have chosen to focus primarily on the women.
I also think that the perspective of this all-seeing and all-knowing being is a great foundation for your story. I love how you said that she has been forced to watch her children suffer, and that she cannot forget her stories, yet she is unable to tangibly intervene. I think that is really important – just like parenting. I think that because your mother goddess didn’t intervene, the women were more able to learn on their own and become stronger.
I really like your introduction and how you carefully explain Durga’s role and why she is so affected by all that has occurred. I think it is really nice of Durga to approach both of them as if she were a psychiatrist and aid in their rehabilitation after what their lives have brought them. I really like where this is going, the only thing I would suggest after scanning your first story is to add a bit of dialogue and maybe separate your paragraphs up so that there are not large paragraphs. Things like that tend to intimidate readers and cause for a lesser understanding of what is going on because all you want to do is finish reading this hauntingly long paragraph. I think your author’s note is very helpful in explaining where Sita is currently in her mental stability and general mindset. Your author’s note really helped me more in understanding the story of the Ramayana, rather than the story you are trying to tell here. This could be changed a bit to focus more on how Sita is feeling now and how you know this, rather than why she was put through all of these situations. Great job overall.
ReplyDeleteHello Elizabeth! I think this is my first time visiting your storybook even though your background looks very familiar. Maybe it is someone else as well. With that noted, I really like it! I also love how colorful the image you chose is. Your introduction really caught my attention! It is a very nice start to your storybook. You really laid out the outline of your project. I like how you made the first story retelling for Sita's point of view instead of Rama's. That was a really nice touch. I like your version better than Narayan's. The image you chose for this story is magnificent! It is so beautiful and I like how you made it that big. I like how your second story also has a great big image. I like how once again, the story was told from the women's prospective. Very nice job with you project overall! I hope you have a great rest of your week!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, I visited your page a few weeks ago and I really like your storybook! It is one of my favorites in the class, and I appreciate a lot of things about it. Firstly, I appreciate the theme – the idea of the juxtaposition of strength and struggle is imperative to understand man’s purpose on earth. I think that a lot of the reason as to “why” we are here has to do with the wrestling between strength and struggle. On top of that, the background to your storybook is so very mystical. I really appreciate the stars and galaxies, especially when you meet the mother of the universe at the beginning. What inspired you to pursue this particular concept of “strength and struggle”? I’d really like to know. I especially like your particular focus in the third story. I think depicting Sita’s strength was beneficial to your overall storybook, and I think that you really exemplified that when you showed how she was still virtuous when she did not betray Rama. Instead, she crushed society’s standards and chose to leave him. What a great twist in the story – one that most empowered thinkers can really appreciate. Overall, you did a wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteHey Elizabeth, this is my first time visiting your page and I have to say I absolutely love it. The background really sets the mood for the mother of the universe to be talking to two of her daughters. I also really like the font you used in that it’s not too ornate to read, though the line spacing is a little close and makes it a tad bit hard to follow. Great job on the pictures as well, the ones you chose to put along with the story really helps put a face and place to the characters. The theme you chose for the storybook is pretty cool too and flows really well. The whole dialog between Durga, Sita and Ahalya allows for a deeper feeling of emotion and kind of puts the reader into the heads of the wronged women. I also thought it was interesting that you chose to have the mother of the universe act as a therapist, that was pretty cool. I would definitely agree that these to women could use a therapist after what they’ve gone through. Well I really enjoyed reading your storybook and look forward reading more in the future. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth! I just wanted to say thank you for the several comments you left on my blog. You were one of the few purple who visited my storybook more than once. Although I never completed my storybook, you made me feel add though what I did have was sold, and I appreciate that.
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